she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
