So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
