Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize