Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
