I wanna bring you to show and tell
i think my mom watched the whole time
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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