Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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