Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i've created a new STD.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
