1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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