Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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