if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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