He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The feeling are messing with the penis
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
