forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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