I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
