I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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