I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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