Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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