What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
