You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Randomize
