Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
