Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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