Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
