My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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