I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
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I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
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Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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