Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
