I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
