I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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