Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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