Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Found your dick twin last night
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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