Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
