Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
