What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
