Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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