Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
