you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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