I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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