everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize