glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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