I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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