guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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