Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
