I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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