I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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