I feel great
I just peed on a car
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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