so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
