Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
