he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
