Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
