if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
