u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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