white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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