I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
