there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
