I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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