I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
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