Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Pooping to opera.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
