You're my little dorito
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
