my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
