I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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