Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Welp...herpes.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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