my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I think I have vodka in my lungs
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
