mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
