So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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