Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
