He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
