I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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