So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
