Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
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Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
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