whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
