apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
