maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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