We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
