his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
