I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
