Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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