During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
is wine microwaveable?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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