..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
