I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
