Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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