You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
